you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
