On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
