im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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