Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you didnt know i had herpes?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
