Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
