The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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