I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
