Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
