I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We left the knife in your bed.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
