there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
