I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
