im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
