I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How's work?
Spinning.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
