i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
