remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I see more hoeing in ur future
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