i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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