you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
