I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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