you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
