and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
