a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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