Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
