***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
