Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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