Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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