Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
