his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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