I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
