I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
