i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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