Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
