Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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