he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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