there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
