I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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