You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
