Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
