So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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