this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
