just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This show inspires me to have sex in space
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
