I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We have started to decorate penises.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
