remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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