Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
