I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So apparently I’m into choking now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
