I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
