Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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