Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
