you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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