Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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