He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
