You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm always down for nudity.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
